The Walk

Merry Christmas!  We've made it back home, and let me say, Christmas was beautiful this year.  We spent some great time with family and remained calmed, relaxed and peaceful through it all, which is such a blessing.  I told you God would be faithful in answering my plea for peace!  But boy the transition back home has been hard.  It was like a 4 day vacation and now I have to come home and get back on top of things.  Oh, see, right now I can hear the buzzer of the washer beckoning me.  Yesterday was our first day back and it was so hard for me to be motivated to do what I needed to do.  Before Christmas, I was in a really good groove.  My pregnant body was used to doing work and I had a good routine of prayer.  It's all thrown off now!  I am 22 1/2 weeks pregnant now, and this baby is growing!  So many times I am just so uncomfortable because I know they are pressing up agianst something, usually my bladder or stomach.  For about a week I've had the mentality of "here we go, here it comes, the crazy crazy body transformation". 

Today's first reading, from John, he says "This is the way we may know we are union with him: whoever claims to abide in him ought to walk just as he walked".  How did Jesus "walk"?  Well the biggest walk of his life was carrying a cross to his crucifixion, and ultimately to the Resurrectin.  So we ought to walk like that?  Yes, we ought to pick up the crosses of our lives so that they may bring us closer to God.  Today, my "cross" is a messy house.  The rest of this week, it is beginnig the big task of organizing our guest room so that it may be the baby's room.  For the next 3 1/2 months, it will be embracing the aches and pains that come with carrying my beloved child and bringing them into the world.  These all call me to go beyond myself, to choose to do what I don't want to do for the best of my husband and child (and myself, too).  I am called to sacrifice my own will.  I would much rather sit around the house lazy all day, reading books,scanning the internet and looking at baby stuff online.  I would much rather not go through physical pain and wish my baby could magically appear.  But I am called to something greater; I am called to walk as Jesus did, laying down my life for those I love.  Thank you, beloved Apostle John, for reminding me of this : )

A Gentle Child

Christmas is almost here, Allelulia!  I've been on break from work...yes the joy of working in the school system.  It is such a God-send, too.  Since Monday, I've had very restful, yet productive, and prayer-filled days.  I told myself at the beginning of the week that I am going to take one day at a time and not get any big expectations of what to accomplish.  How great life is without looming expectations!  It's Thursday and all our shopping is done and presents are wrapped.  I cooked a great dinner on Tuesday and have good leftovers all week, which cuts down on things to do, too.  Every little thing I've done, whether wrapping or some sort of craft, I've made sure to clean up the mess right away and put things back in their place.  That way I wasn't flooded with mini projects all around the house (which is what I used to do in high school and college at home, my poor mother hated it).  I've had many conversations with the Lord and meditated on Scripture.  I'm so thankful I got this time because tomorrow we're headed to South Bend and BAM, it will be go, go, go.  I'm really hoping and praying that this week of rest and prayer is a good foundation for the busyness that lies ahead at home, that I can continue to keep the Lord's peace in my heart.  There is always an inner battle going on within me between pleasing others and pleasing God (not just during Christmas season, either) and sometimes that can bring anxiety to my heart.  I really have to just "let go" of so many things so I can be more present with God and with our loved ones. 

I'm relying on God so much for this and I thank Him for reminding me of my need for Him.  I can't solve every problem and I can't bring any joy to our family if I'm always so worried!  I need His grace and healing and I have hope and trust that He will come into my heart as a gentle Child so that I may experience His love and give love back to him and our families.  Just as He comes to us as a child, I go to him as his daughter, with confidence in his faithfulness.  I'm so excited to recieve Him this Christmas!  I really truly pray these same things for you!

Small successes and a big milestone

This past Tuesday we had our first ultrasound.  It was amazing, I still can't believe that I got to sit there for half an hour and watch my lil baby move around.  The mystery of this baby's life is a little less a mystery!  They move, suck their thumb, rub their eyes, roll over, etc.  We did find out the gender which really makes things "more real".  Slowly, we will tell people.  Once we decide to put it on Facebook the whole world will know and its good for me to keep this a secret for a little bit.  I love calling them by the little nickname we have for them.  I'm already so in love with this child.  Last week, I was home alone while Attila was at a meeting in the evening.  I brought myself to tears because I wanted to cuddle with my baby more then anything in the world. I always have this fear that something is going to go wrong.  I just wanna get this baby here, safe and healthy.  But it is a journey of trust; trust that my body can do this and trust that everything will happen in due time, in His time.  And trust that I will have the strength to face all that will come our way, no matter what.  I am always brought back to such joyful anticipation for this new life!

On a lighter note, I recently came across a website called "Faith and Family: the Magazine and Blog for Daily Catholic Living" (http://www.faithandfamilylive.com/).  Its a compilation of many women (and some men) who give insight about daily life as a Catholic person, with mostly advice on marriage, parenting and homemaking.  It gets me so excited!  This is what I need, little things to do everyday to live more faithfully my vocation.  Each day there are blogs with specific themes, and I came across one today (Thursday) that I really like.  This one focuses on our "small successes" and says "it’s important for moms to recognize that all the small successes in our days can add up to one big triumph."  So they encourage other bloggers to list 3 successes they've had in the past week.  I think anyone can do this, whether you're a mom, dad, single person, grandparent, etc.  We all need some encouragement, especially when life gets to be a big routine.  I really need to do something like this because I can often be so hard on myself.  I put up so many expectations for myself, and they are mostly in the house category, like I "don't clean the house faithfully on a weekly basis, so I suck."  I look at how I need to mop or do laundry and how often I end up NOT doing those things.  What ends up happening is my dear husband will do them and then I get mad at how poorly he did it.  It's a vicious cycle, really.  So, I am hoping that if I can list some of my small successes, it will motivate me to keep my hopes up and be better at things I would like to improve on.  Whatever works, Lord!

Today, I:
1. Cleaned off the snow on my own car in the morning without one ounce of complaining.  My hubby is quite sick and I knew that was the last thing he needed in the morning.
2.  Cooked Chicken Parmesan, a new recipe for me.  I love cooking and haven't done much in the past week; we've resorted to easy, sometimes fast food in our chaotic week.  Whole wheat pasta and fresh green beans, yay for healthy!
3. Did the ALL the dishes after dinner and wiped down the kitchen.  This is HUGE for me. I loathe doing the dishes and am really good at letting them pile up.  It was the least I could do for Attila, who did the dishes before I came home from work.  Did I mention he's been sick?!  I am making him go to the doctor tomorrow!

There ya go, my small successes.  I give them to you, Lord.  Your grace was a help!

So in love!

Our first anniversary is coming up on Sunday!  It looks like we may be a bit snowed in, and I am ok with that!  Since Christmas is so close, we're not getting eachother gifts.  I think gifts on our anniversary will be a bit rare, but very special thing.  I'm really surprised at how my mindset is toward our anniversary.  In the past, especially before we were married, I put so much emphasis on holidays and anniversaries and expected so much from Attila.  I wanted the "romance"; the bouquets of flowers and thoughtful gifts and expensive dinner dates.  And that's not in my husband's nature to be like that.  His way of showing love was different then my many high expectations of him.  He sure did try, though, and I have a super sweet collection of letters, cute cards, and some even sweeter poems ; )  With this first anniversary approaching, there aren't many expectations on my part like that.  I'm so content and satisfied with the thought of a homemade dinner at home while sharing memories and probably looking through our wedding pics.  The beauty of marriage.  Before getting married, there was never a formal commitment from Attila that he would love me forever, so my idea of "romance" was a reflection of my insecurity in our relationship.  I needed something tangible to know that he loved me and to know that everything would be ok.  Of course pretty much all humans have that need, but outside of marriage, without the sacrament and the vows and the total gift of self, it can never be fulfilling.  Even when Attila would try his best to be romantic, I was still insecure about things.  

The most romantic thing Attila has ever done was say those vows to me and back them up with giving himself to me completely.  And nothing could ever top that gift that I have given him, either.  Add to that, our love has born fruit, and we helped create another person; a complete manifestation of our love for eachother.  Our love will one day be running and giggling around our house and we will hear its pitter patter in the flesh!  My beloved is mine to have and to hold forever.  I confidently say, with ALL SECURITY IN THE WORLD (thanks to the grace of God) that I love him and he loves me and our love will never be broken. 

I praise God WITH MY WHOLE HEART for calling me to the wonderful life of marriage and all the ways that Our Lord uses it to shower me with love, security, and fulfillment. 

Hope, hope, and more hope!

It has been TOO long since I posted, unfortunately.  I will chalk it up to Thanksgiving.  We went home to South Bend for about 5 days, and it was great!  We hadn't seen our family for about 2 months and it was so good to catch up.  Going home always makes me want to move back there asap.  It's comfortable and what we know, but the Lord is calling us to something different.  This little town of Frankfort is home to us now, though, and it was nice to come back here, too.  We have made a little home for ourselves. 

Thanksgiving night, there we were, talking with Attila's dad and just relaxing and I was so blessed to feel the baby move some more.  And since then, this baby is moving so much more!  For awhile I had been asking the Lord for this little sign of life to be more prominent, and I'm so overjoyed to experience it now.  The beginning of pregnancy is such a mystery, like "is there really a little person in there growing and moving?"  Yes, I'm gaining weight, getting sick, and super tired, but is this really happening?  And now I feel these movements, its beyond words!  All through out the day I feel our baby moving.  There really is a baby in there, and in less then two weeks we get to see it with our own eyes on an ultrasound.  I am so thankful and amazed at the Lord's kindness to us. 

Before Thanksgiving, Attila and I had a night at home where we just chatted and chatted about what it will be like to be parents, and we really fostered this dream we have for our family.  Sometimes thinking about being a parent can be frightening, but that night, we both helped eachother see the excitement in it.  And its so much more then buying cute things for our kids and thinking about their cute little personalities that will come about.  Those add to the excitement, but it's really about a vision we have for our family.  It's about all of us becoming more ourselves, if that makes any sense.  Its about hope; hope that we CAN do this, by the grace of God.  Hope that we really can have a joyous life despite all we see around us in this world.  And hope that we can raise children who will have a joyous, fulfilled life, not defined by their material surrounding.  There is so much hope, hope, and more hope, which I am sure is a grace of the Advent season ;)

This week we also started decorating for the Advent/Christmas season.  About four years ago, I think, during Advent, I followed a devotional that led me through readings from the Old Testament which forshadowed the coming of Christ.  These stories were exciting to me and in the people of the stories, I saw glimpses of Christ, Mary, and Joseph, and my love for this season of Advent grew so deep.  In Advent we remember our salvation history and look for the completion of it.  I want to carry this on to our children, so we are focusing on Advent a bit more.  My brother and sister in law have an "Advent tree" which is decorated with purple ornaments.  Now we have one, and we added pink ornaments! When the official season of Christmas comes, we will change the ornaments to white and red and green.  I can't wait to share this with our kids! 

Wishing you all a hope-filled Advent!

A kick!

I have been meaning to write this post all week and finally have time!  I'm so thankful for our Saturday mornings where we don't have anything planned.  I got to sleep in and my great husband served me breakfast in bed! 

Last week, we took some of our youth from the youth group on an Antioch Retreat.  It was a very blessed weekend.  We got to see some of our dear friends that live in Carmel, and stayed with two of our friends that recently got married.  First of all, that was so much fun.  We've known these two since high school and have watched their amazing journey.  Along that journey, they've been great friends to us.  Our friendships started at this same kind of retreat we were all now helping out with.  It was just an amazing time for fellowship with them that Attila and I really treasured.  We spent like 40 hours straight with them, something we don't get the oppurtunity very often to do with another couple that is our age, and with another couple that is trying to pursue God's will as we hope we are doing, too.  Another blessing was spending time with teens from our youth group and getting to know them better.  It reinstated and strengthened our commitment to minister to all of our teenage friends.

On Sunday, we all went to Mass together.  I knew I needed to sit in the very front pew because lately, I really struggle in Church.  I get hot flashes and dizzy spells the most in church.  Why?  Who knows!  It may be the standing, sitting, kneeling, or all the human bodies in a space together which causes me to heat up!  I figured in the front row there wont be anyone in front of us and hopefully some better circulation of air. And not many people crowd into the front pew, too!  I was finally comfortable in mass and was excited to be able to pay attention when the priest started a baptism.  Sooo excited!  Infant baptisms aren't usually done in the context of a mass and I was so elated to experience this one.  It really was beautiful.  The church we were at was packed with people, so there was such a strong response for all the songs and the litany of the saints.  It was so cool to witness the greater congregation participate in the new birth of a Christian!  Well, during the pouring on of the water, I felt it!  THE BABY MOVE!  It was like a little body part just poked the middle of my womb for a split second.  It was a feeling I have NEVER felt before.  When I explained the feeling to our midwife the following Tuesday, she said she was certain that is what I felt!  I am overjoyed that our little one made itself known in this way, and whats even cooler is that it was in the middle of another baby getting baptized!  Words cannot express my joy at this!  When I turned to Attila and told him, he said "that baby is ready to be baptized!" 

JOY, JOY, JOY!!!!!!

And the saints go marching in...

So its been about a week since the last post.  We're getting excited to go for another appointment next Tuesday.  I will be 15 weeks then.  Then, at our next appointment after that, I think, we will have the ultrasound that will reveal our little baby's gender, woohoo!  We should definitely know by Christmas, and be rest assured we will have some sort of fun "gender reveal" party/ moment at Christmas. 

Even though the gender won't be surprise, we're going to TRY to keep the name a surprise, even though I think I already told some people our options.  I love looking for baby names and thinking up new combinations.  I will tell you we are set on the first name, boy and girl version.   The secret to figuring out the middle names is found among the saints.  For awhile we were absolutely set on a boy and girl full name, but it's kinda exciting to keep options open.  We like the idea of seeing which day our baby is born on, and then seeing which saint holds a feast day on that day, and going from there.  Right now, if our baby were to be born on April 30, 2011 (the due date) the saint would be St. Pius V.  In case that happens, we probably won't go with Pius, but we'll be creative and figure something out!  In the meantime, I have researched all the feast days within a month of our due date, and we are asking all those saints in heaven to help pray for the birth of our baby.  Maybe you can research them, too, and if there's a name/saint you really love, join us in prayer!  Don't be limited by the saints with capitals S's; the definition of a saint is one who is in heaven, and we also ask the saints of our own family, especially, to be with us! 

Patricia, Ruth, Margaret, Irene, Clarice, Stephen, Floyd, Curtis, Charles and all our ancestors who've passed, watch over us and pray for us!

Excited to start showing...

So, tomorrow I will be officially 14 weeks pregnant and I personally don't think I am showing yet, but I find myself really wishing I would start!!  If people think I am "showing" it is probably due to being bloated, honestly.  Or sometimes, I know I can stick out my belly (which wasn't very flat before pregnancy, might I add) and make myself seem as if I am finally presenting a baby "bump".  Why am I so eager to start showing?!  Because this little life inside of me is the absolute biggest blessing, most biggest, grandest miracle to ever happen to my husband and me!  I want to shout from the rooftops the goodness of the Lord!  The rooftop being a growing belly, of course ;)

And another thing.  This child is so special and unique already.  I sit and pray or ponder about the life this child will lead. The prayer/thought I often find myself thinking is how much love I want to shower this child with, so that ultimately, Attila and I may raise a confident Christian person, who is on their way to meeting Our Father.  Eternity is waiting for this precious soul! 

A growing belly, in my heart, is a sign of the mystery stirring within my womb; a sign that leads me and my husband to contemplate and experience Love. A growing pregnant belly is, in so many ways, sacramental.

2nd Trimester = Energy = Yummy cooking

I am finally getting some energy to be able to have fun cooking new recipes, which is truly a love of mine.  It also helps that we've had fall break at school and I had a 4 day weekend to rest up.  Tonight I tried out Roasted Red Pepper Sauce with Spinach and cheese Stuffed ravioli.  Finally a home cooked meal that I could stomach and eat a full serving.  For about 6 weeks in the beginning, I was disgusted by anything I cooked, but if we went out to eat, well food was great!  There was probably a two week stretch there where my amazing husband planned dinners, did the grocery shopping, and all the cooking because I was so dang tired!  Dinner was just great tonight, I even got to set the table to look so formal, even using napkin rings!  I was elated to serve my man such a great meal!!  Yay!

From the husband- I have to say that tonight was no ordinary night.  Usually both of us lounge around the house when we get home from work because of "tirdeness".  Because we like to plan out our meals, I am inclined to ask the wifey what's for dinner. When I came home, instead of lounging around, we prayed together and then headed outside to battle our wild yard.  Because of this I did not ask her what was for dinner and so when she called me in from the grueling fight I was suprised at the quality dinner she had prepared for the vicotry feast.  But what struck me the most tonight was the love that was put into this meal.  The room was spotless, the table elegantly set, and the dinner looked esquisite.  In all seriousness, she put much effort into this simple meal and it made all the work I did worth it.  It was the culmination of a great day of events, when we are able to eat and share our days with each other.  This meal was not to simply "re-fuel", but one to eat, talk, laugh, enjoy each other's company, and grow in our relationship together.  The moral of the post: Let's do everything out of love for each other, because it is in giving where we receive.  I thank my wife for showing me this!  Peace out!

Announcement!

We are so excited to announce that we are going to have our first baby!  I am 13 weeks along now, so we're officially through the first trimester, hence our formal public announcement!  This blog's purpose is to allow all our friends and family to experience this pregnancy with us, since we don't live at home anymore and since others are in other parts of the country. 

Here are some highlights from our first trimester:

September 1: Took the pregnancy test at home!  Attila was there to read the results with me.  I definitely danced around the house with pure joy and Attila was all smiles.  The reality that, wow, we can concieve a child, was amazing and is such a blessing from God.  We both decided to wait a little while before telling more people, to see where God would take the pregnancy.  I was about 5 weeks pregnant at the time.

September 24-ish: By this time we were almost 9 weeks and decided to start telling some close friends and family.  It makes it so real and so much more joy-filled to share the exciting news.  To tell our family (both sets of parents, some siblings and niece and nephews) we planned a "birthday party" for me with everyone there at my Dad's house.  I had Teddy, the oldest grandchild of my family and my dear godson, read a "note" from Aunt Alycia and Uncle T, which read "We are pregnant".  Both of our moms cried quite a bit.  My dad shed a tear or two.  My stepmom, Karen, had pretty much caught on before the big annoucement, but was just as well excited.  And Attila's Dad had a look of shock almost, as he later explained his budget would take a chunk out for the grandbaby, hehe.  So fun!

October 12: We heard the heartbeat!  170 beats per minute.  I was 11 weeks along.  Nothing will ever compare to that moment.  The mysterious little baby in my womb was a little less a mystery.  What a gift!

There have been many nights where my dear husband has "talked" to the baby. Everytime he has something goofy to say, he's so cute.  I can't wait to see him as a daddy in action, and to have more of him in this world, I love him so much ;)

It's amazing to ponder how both of us will never be the same again.  We're basically new people; we're a mom and a dad.  It's so great to reflect and pray about being parents and carrying this little one.  We've helped in the creation of life, of a person, who is body and soul.  I know its philosophical, but that's who Attila and I are! 

Come join us on our journey of amazement at the gift of life!  (I can also be cheesy, too!)